July 13, 2017
There’s something really hard about defeat. Even though you sometimes don’t set high expectations, you still feel defeated when something doesn’t work out the expected way. There’s always hope, and the expectation of the next opportunity, and what’s to come. Perhaps something better, or something completely different of what you seeked originally. Still, being defeated feels like the end of the word. Sometimes for me, I’m in such a shock that it takes several days to actually start understanding it. Either way it creates a feeling of emptiness inside, of being a boat lost at sea. I’ve had several defeats over the last few years, each different to process, some took me hours, some took me days, and others took me years. From each defeat, I’ve looked someplace else for escaping, for therapy, for a simple change of context. It’s hard for me to accept defeat, and to process it. While I’m away, something feels odd, missing. I become hyper focused on something totally unrelated, like drawing random things, writing random letters, short stories, reading books, and this post. After being away, I take two steps back and analyze where I am and what I want to do now. For me it’s more about forgetting about it, and then coming back to accept it and move on. I’ve learned different things from each one of them, and also came back stronger (or stranger). So, what’s to learn? Wake up earlier, work harder, keep on going. Come back stronger. Push your limits, and enjoy the ride.
I'm a software architect that enjoys helping people, building platforms, and working in distributed systems at the intersection between people and software.